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hope on the line

dance
focus.
in
out
in
out
the girls massage my feet
distraction from the pain
my mums eyes hold mine
focus
in
out
in
out
justin cuddles me up
holding me as nausea rocks me sideways
my sister struggles to get food into my body
dads eyes look into mine
focus
in
out
in
out
each day gets a little bit easier
a few more laughs
a couple more hours spent awake
and the question starts to form on my lips
am i
not
dying?
i barely dare to say it
don't want to tease
but hell...
i'm feeling better each day.
i don't want to claim anything just yet
but the one thing i do believe in....
is hope.
and right now there is still hope
i am on the transplant list.
each morning when i open my eyes
i turn to justin and say
"good morning love. i made it another night. i am alive"
and we rejoice
celebrate
for being alive is a very good thing
the best thing actually
unbelievable
and for my friends that flew in from paris and calgary and edmonton
to say their goodbyes
they are very happy to be saying their see you soons instead
i'm not saying we are out of the troubled waters just yet
i need new lungs
and i need them soon
but i am waking up each day
and that is good news
so please
smile
and know that your love prayers good thoughts and well wishes
helped pull me through
yet another dark night
i love you all so much
thank you
and i
love
love
love.










Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.



© Eva Dien Brine Markvoort 2006-2010

Comments

( 462 comments — Leave a comment )
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siradamm
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
hi EvA!!!!!
So great to hear from you!!

I am so happy taht you are feel a bit better!!!

LOVE!!!!! LOVE!!!!! LOVE will save you!!!!!
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 09:45 pm (UTC)
Eva, be STRONG! You can make it! We are with you, we are with you, we think of you, remember this... Be strong, Baby!

your friend Gosia /Poland/
lindylousmith
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
It's so good to hear from you.
I send you lots of love and many wishes for better health.
Please God give you new lungs!
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
Eva,

Love is holding you strong. I am so happy to see you here another day.

Love Love Love (it should be a shirt)

Keep fighting!

M.
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
Eva

In your recent photos there is so much light in your eyes. Your spirit is still alive and fighting and we are all rooting for you to hold on until the doctors can fix you.

Just keep on holding on.
xxJane, UK
siradamm
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)










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_____000000000000000000__000000000000000 000
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__0000000000000000000000000000000_______ __0000
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_0000000000000000000000000000000000000__ ___0000
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 ___00000
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0_000000
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000
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_000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000
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_________000000000000000000000000000000
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gazoinksbo
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC)
i was only recently introduced to your journal & your story, & i just wanted you to know how courageous & inspiring you are; i'm truly in awe of you. you're in my thoughts every day!

glitterymascara
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC)
My beautiful, amazing Eva,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm working on getting a consultation for my first tattoo. The artist that I want rarely takes new clients, so it may take a while, but he does the most amazing work.
I'm going to get a red rose. I want to wear a red rose every day for the rest of my life.
It's wonderful to hear that you're feeling a bit better. If you ever want me to come visit, text me, call me, email me, or any other thing you can think of, and I'll be there in approximately 6 hours, to the best of my ability.
Love always,
Amanda
namaste27
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
WOOPWOOP!!!!
hello lovely lady!!!thrilled to hear from you!!!glad that you are feeling better daily!!i hope.....hopehopehope!i didnt know if they still had you on the list or not...didnt know...i sent you some cards with love for you and a message for your family.i will not lose hope,eva....but at the same time,i am prepared for....anything:)Kinda feeling the same with my mom, she got skin cancer and has to go for surgery...just hoping it hasnt spread into something nasty...*phew just sitting,hoping,waiting,wishing.....love you!-jude
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
Sending love, hope, prayers, and blessings.

Vicky in Indiana
med_cat
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
Well, that is marvelous news!

Hugs,
Cat
talltash
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:21 pm (UTC)
Reading this entry, and seeing how how strong you are, just fills me up with such hope and love for you!!
witchy_miss
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:21 pm (UTC)
We've all decided you're not allowed to leave us;).
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
Eva!
Remember, keep the hope alive, don't let it die!
Every day is a gift, chance, I believe!
I looooveeeee Youuu! :* :*
Milena, Poland (milkaska@op.pl)
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
These are the words I wanted to read
Dear Eva
you wrote exactly what I wanted to read but didn't dare ask.
Hope... what a sweet word.
I think the fact you are feeling better is simply amazing, isn't it?
Pls pls, transplant list, move towards Eva's direction.

I am hugging you and hoping you continue to feel better.

Laura from Milan, Italy
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
Keep fighting Sweet Cf Worrier...


I am So Glad to Hear that You Have HOPE !!
Hope Has kept me here.
Hope can Move Mountains...

I pray that today is day Your Rebirth begins
with new Lungs.
You have shown Us all Grace and Strength
and The Will to Live..Not just survive ,But LIVE !

Love to You and Your Family,,,
You have made my Day a good Day.
Brad va
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:24 pm (UTC)
Yay!!
I'm another one of those readers who have never commented before, but I can't express how much I admire, respect, and love, love, love you! You are an amazing, wonderful person, and I hope so much that you continue to feel better every day. Thankyou for continually giving so much of yourself, and to still be taking the time to update, even now. You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever known, and it's so incredible how much you've lived your life with love at the centre, always. My thoughts and love are always with you,
Sarah, in the UK xxxxxx
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:26 pm (UTC)
Dear Eva,

As you learned from your first transplant, a miracle can come at any time. Hang on, have faith, and keep fighting. Use the love and support around you to find your strength.

Love, love, love

Jennifer
siradamm
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:26 pm (UTC)
It's a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care makes me want to say
It's a beautiful world
Oh what a beautiful world
For you

It's a wonderful time to be here
It's nice to be alive
Wonderful people everywhere
The way they comb their hair makes me want to say
It's a wonderful place
Oh what a wonderful place
For you, for you, for you, for you, for you, for you, not me


(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:26 pm (UTC)
Prayers coming your way
You are truly a BLESSING and your love is so BEAUTIFUL, I just started reading your BLOG and WOW is all I can say. You are a angel and we will be praying HARD for new lungs for you...
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:27 pm (UTC)
I love you Eva
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
You
Eva, I have spent many many hours in the last few days getting to know you through your LJ; watched videos and saw your pictures.Without any doubt I think you are amazing; I have been telling my family and friends all about you. We are praying for you. You generate love; just hearing about you was enough for my 91 year old father to fall in love with you too. Hang in there and let yourself grow stronger. Love you.
robynhood154
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
You ARE hope Eva! So glad that you are feeling good... sending out prayers for those new lungs... and congrats on your award, I cant think of anyone who deserves it more!

Robyn :)
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
i just read about You, Eva...
don't give up, Girl... You have to live... I know it's not easy, but You can't leave Your family, Your friends... ;((( My all thoughts are with You now and in the next days... I can't believe, that these days, in XXI century, still there are fatal diseases, which can't be cured... ;( If only I could help and give my own lungs to You, I wouldn't hesitate... greetings from Poland - a guy called Chris.
taishit
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
Hey, umm.. you don't know me but I am a friend of Kina's and she has shared your story with us. I just wanted you to know that you are so amazingly awesome!

And I drew this for you :

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=11265248&l=bbe8618ddd&id=680115155

It isn't much but I just wanted you to know that someone is thinking about you. Stay strong!
(Anonymous)
Feb. 19th, 2010 06:29 pm (UTC)
this makes my heart explode a little, sparks of gratitude that you are here one more day after another.

it's like when i wake in the morning and pray for one more day of this gorgeous sunshine that is lighting up vancouver and making everyone on the street say "hello" and "how are you"- it's making the world come alive again.

here's hoping the sunshine is streaming into your window this morning at VGH...it's streaming into my bedroom, and i am thinking of you, i am taking breaths for you.

xo
Lucia, out in the suburbs of VanCity
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( 462 comments — Leave a comment )

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