He is very astute. One day when you have it all it will TRULY be amazing. Think about it Eva - you appreciate and love life so much now, while you struggle - can you imagine? Yes, I see you can.

You two are lucky to have eachother. Bless you and good thoughts from VA. Hugs!

SkippyMom

He's right, you know.

And I like the progression of the pictures.

Eva, of course you're afraid. We all have a part of us deep down where we fear things, from the tiny things to the big things in life. It's all part of being human. I'm glad you can acknowledge that fear and write about it. The important thing, in my opinion is to have hope. Always have hope.

I'm a cancer patient, and despite being told recently that there's nothing more than can be done for me medically I somehow still have that hope. Sometimes I hope in the form of a miracle, some alternative treatment, or I just tell myself that my doctors will find something new, some new plan - something more they can do that just might cure me.

Never give up that hope, Eva. I truly believe that you will get your lungs, and that you will make it through transplant. I believe that with all of my heart. I am so glad that Justin truly listens to you and doesn't dismiss your fears, or tell you not to talk or think that way... I've always resented that when people have told me over the past few years that "everything will be fine", and "don't think that way" type of comments. Sometimes you really do need to look at the hard truth of a situation and evaluate things and figure out where you stand.

I won't pretend to know much about CF or lung transplants, but I think you have every reason to hold a lot of hope for "getting your life back" as it was before. Back when you had your freedom and could be independent, back when you lived in "the triangle" with your best friends. Will it be easy? Probably not, but often times the best things in life take a lot of hard work. I believe you can and will make it through transplant, Eva. It's true though - there's no guarantees in life. It's a hard thing to accept, but it's true and sometimes I think it's healthier and better to let yourself acknowledge the truth in that.

I pray for you daily. I think it's great that you can be so honest and open with your thoughts and fears. You have such a talent at writing and expressing yourself. That's a gift you have, Eva. Don't keep the fears and feelings all bottled up. Have your cry if you feel that you need to and then go on and enjoy every minute with the special people who surround you. When that pager goes off although you may be very frightened (think fear of the unknown is one of most people's biggest fears) you'll also be at the place where you have even more hope than you have now, and I pray that hope will get you through the fear and comfort you during the hard times.

Truly hope that this has made sense. I know I'm rambling. I just care about you very much and I've never even met you, but I check for an update on your journal several times each day. Going to try my best to get another card out to you in the next couple of days. Thanks as always for being you, for being courageous to share yourself with this world, and for making this would a better and more caring place for your being here and sharing through your beautiful and honest words.

I totally felt the same way when I was pre transplant. All I was between "I can't wait for this to be over with" and "Is this really what I want?". Even after transplant I thought to myself "What the hell have I done? I'm not supposed to feel worse!"
Of course you probably felt the same way the first time too. A mix of greatful mixed with I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I think fear is a natural process 'cause it is a major surgery after all. The fear of not opening your eyes or not getting that terrible tube out of your throat (ok that may have just been me. As I've mentioned in a several posts my memory sucks and even though I remember that you had trouble waking up I can't remember if you woke up with that fabulous tube down your throat or if you were lucky enough to skip that whole process). I hope you can take comfort in what is my personal observation. I don't know of a whole lot of CFers who haven't survived a transplant. It's something to do with our will to live and the fact that I think we're pretty stubborn to begin with or you wouldn't have made it this far:). I have to get my act in gear and finally send you that card that's been sitting on my desk. I also have your choice between a moose and a puppy to send along. Just kinda need the addy again...heh.
Hugs and love;)

You're pretty.

Girl, you deserve a love filled and healthy life. I have every hope and wish that you fufill the 'health' part, cause you've got the love thing sorted, it sounds like.

Hi Eva,

Sending big *hugs* your way. I'm glad that you have such a wonderful guy to let you feel your feelings, and as you said, "let it out / then step forward and continue on." I think a lot of people run the other way from their own feelings and I think that it is good that you are able to be open about how you are feeling with the people you love.

<3

~k

Aww...Do you write poetry? Your entries are almost poems in verse :)

Wishing you the best, always,
Cat

Eva, have you thought of putting all your poetry into a book? You could raise money for CF this way, and I'm sure that a lot of CF-ers would enjoy it and relate!

You're so talented at expression through words. I can always feel your posts. I'm praying for you *hugs*

You're so special, You wait for the rainbow every time.

I love you so much for how strong you are.

And these pictures make me wanna squish your face.
: )

I don't know how to explain this without sounding rude and I don't like being ignorant or your situation when I'm reading your diary. Education is the best way to avoid that, so please don't think I'm being rude while asking this. I guess it's better to hear it from a personal account rather than checking it on wikipedia or something.

I read in an earlier entry that having a transplant removed the CF from your lungs. Was it just your lungs it was removed from? How does CF affect the rest of your body? I know that you're having problems at the moment. Is that due to the rejection or the CF?
How does rejection work?


I'm sorry if that sounds rude, I've just been thinking about you and I realised that I didn't know. You'll make it through lady. I was seriously ill a few years ago and I know how important it is to look for the silver lining in everything. You'll get through this. It's a perfectly normal reaction to break down and cry when everything seems so uncertain.

hello

my name is jo i'm from poland.my frend have this same silly "think" like you. if you want you can see his page www.muko.pl

i hope same miracle will hapend!!! and you will be all right!!!

and remember ANGELS NEVER DIES!!!

thinking of you Joanna Misterska